Life has been so full since my last hurried entry–but not full of weeping and wailing, as some of you might have worried, given the news I received last Friday. The first evening after the news was…rough. I prayed. I considered my options. I crumpled up and threw away the mental notes I’d been making: “No chemo. No mastectomy. Germany on September 22. Radiation–then a long life cancer free.” It hurt. Right down to the white-knuckled grip I’ve had on hope…
so my soul pants for you, O God.
And then my resolve strengthened. The night wasn’t very restful, but it was profitable. And by the time I spoke in church on Sunday, I was able to say again, with utter certainty, “I will trust in your goodness in my season of weakness.” God is–has been–will be–on the Throne. He strengthens me when I am weak, cheers me on when I am weary, and carries me when my strength fails.
I’m now in Colorado Springs, enjoying a time “away from it all” as I anticipate Monday’s meeting with doctors…and the x-rays it will entail. Go ahead–imagine what that kind of x-ray would feel like after a biopsy and two lumpectomies, the most recent of which was a week ago today!
And to help distraction, I was treated to the ultimate luxury yesterday: a pedicure with Jane! She and Sam were dorm parents at Storch back in 93-95, and they have remained family to me ever since. I’m of the firm conviction that everyone needs a wild Texan relative or two!
They’ve made an addict. We spent a couple hours this morning playing Sudoku together…and I think this “newbie” gave Sam a run for his money…! But I wouldn’t want to brag.
i love suduko, although it generally tests my mind beyond its limits sometimes. my dad bought me a portable one…and i’ve LOVED using it right before bed, getting my brain thinking about logical things (which doesn’t happen very often) and then settle off to a contented sleep after solving a problem or two…in suduko, and not the world sadly.
it was a blessing for me to be able to be there. Tears coursed down my cheeks as you spoke, as i myself long to know what being held by the Father is like as you described. IT was a pleasure for me to once again SEE you as its been about 3 years since i was actually speaking with you. What a shame when you’ve been this close and i’ve not been to see you…the video you made spoke to the missionary kid in me and to the heart in me that longs to also make a difference in this world. i think i’ve been fighting it all along and i’ve seen the Evil one put barriers in my path and i’ve fallen prey. I need to get back to being God focused, to facing up to my fears and asking what he’d like of me…not that i won’t like it or it wont’ be best for me…i’m just kind of wary of asking. I guess i’ve liked doing my ‘own thing’ for too long. I am reading The Edge of the Tide Pool…and am about in chapter 4 or 5…and its really been touching my heart. I’m so excited to actually own those two books now and have time to delve into them. you address some pretty weighty topics and those are the things that i like to see dealt with in a real way…in a life in its good and bad days way.
I was unable to hear you sing because i had to leave to work again…which i wish hadn’t of been the case. I really wished to hear you sing, since i know its something that you are passionate about and gifted in. I pray fervently that not only will i be able to hear you sing, but that i might hear you sing surrounded by the voices of those that you love at BFA in your choir and in your heart!
YEAH Sam & Jane!! What a refreshing gift for you!