(Reading on Facebook?  Click this link to see it as it OUGHT to be: http://www.xanga.com/serenitymine)

“Hmmm,” I thought to myself, “what do I really want for Christmas this year?”

“By Jove, I’ve got it!”

THE GAUZE AND TAPE LOOK!!
All the models in Paris are BIG into it (Calvin Klein calls it the “G&T Trend”) and, by golly, I want to be a part of it!

It all began with a lovely trip to Weil, accompanied by Renee.  Hey, if it takes a trip to the “Klinik” to catch up on the craziness of the past week or two, it’s worth the effort!  The first order of events was getting into my hospital gown, which I deliberately put on backwards (ie. with the opening in the front) to avoid just this kind of catastrophe: 

The nurse was slightly less than pleasant when she ordered me to turn it around and put my surgery hat on (bad stylistic move).  Then it was off to the operating room, which, this being Germany, required passing through two other rooms which were occupied by equally scantily clad patients.  I wished briefly that I had arm-wrestled the nurse for the right to keep my gown on backwards, but I settled instead for wrenching my shoulder out of its socket by reaching behind me to hold the darned thing closed.

The doctor was pleasant–in an Attila-the-Hun kind of way–as he informed me that he would deaden the two cysts on my leg and the one of my face, then proceed with the face surgery.  Uhm–don’t you need to wait a few minutes for the shot to take effect??  Nope.  Scalpel.  Incision.  Blood running down my face and into my hair.  That was the icky part.  That and the fact that the sterile drape they’d put over my face was hindering my breathing.  Every time I heard my heart-rate decelerating, I blew hard enough for the drape to lift (“Whatever blows your drape up, lady!”) and gulped in some fresh air.

It took about 10 minutes for him to cut and stitch my face (I was singing Jingle Bells in my mind and got through it a few times in different styles.  The Dolly Parton version was particularly enjoyable…and the Korn version was downright scary).  I had the thought, half-way through it, that I should have asked him to give me a teensy chin-lift while he was at it!  I know, I know, chins can be cute.  But I’m just a tad older than the model below and looking for a good excuse for “accidental” plastic surgery!

The surgeon then moved on to my leg, where he removed both Joe and Howard.  Howard was the biggest of the two cysts and I thought the doctor would merely cut the skin, scrape out the bad stuff, and close the skin again.  But when he showed me the specimens in a jar afterwards, I realized that he had actually cut a circular chunk out of my thigh, under-layers and all, then stitched the gaping hole back together.  Good news!  I might have missed out on the chin-lift, but it appears I got a thigh-lift out of the adventure!

I’m not crazy about the gauze padding (no matter what Calvin Klein says) and I plan on taking it off just as soon as no one’s looking…maybe after I see the doctor tomorrow for a check-up.  In the meantime, I’ll be sitting here waiting for the sedative to wear off and contemplating the character-building attributes of pain.  The doctor ordered a little of this to help me through:

But I’m thinking something like this might do me more good:

UPDATE (24 hours later):  Just back from the doctor’s, where I got my bandages changed.  It turns out that the “tiny incisions” he had promised ended up being substantially larger!  On my leg, one of them required 9 stitches and the other required 5.  Didn’t ask about the face–I’m scared to know, to tell the truth.  The rest of the bad news is that I can’t shower for a week nor wash my face for at least that long–some creativity might be required!  As for my scars, don’t be surprised if I’m sporting a Phantom of the Opera mask next time you see me!!

Pasting below a couple pictures of the recent frost in Riedlingen.  I love, love, love the designs the frost makes around leaves as the temperatures drop.
 

  

Enjoy your break, BFA students!  

Comments

Comments(7)

  1. I’m smiling…  remembering my mole removal from my eyebrow and the jokes about “you should have seen the other guy” altough if you stated saying that I don’t think anyone would beleive you were in a fight, but you could at least try it!

  2. i love that you spelled phantom with an “f”. that totally made my day! 😉

  3. sry….my bad 🙁

  4. You still look absolutely adorable!  Who needs to scrapbook anymore when one can do such creative blogsites and no glue etc.!  Your pics are fabulous!  Do you make eggnog too?  I love egg nog!  If so, I want your recipe!!!  Hugs…off to watch HS Musical with my bro who has NEVER seen it!  Hey, I guess Debbie Allen is on for film choreography for Silent Rhythm!  I’ve got dreams…big dreams!  Renee

  5. Michele makes THE BEST eggnog.  It has nothing to do with eggs!!  Ask her about it…

    I’m glad he didn’t cut out any of your humor in all that cutting.

    Love you and miss you!

  6. awwww…you changed it! i liked it! i wasn’t being sarcastic! it was so french! 😛

    p.s. you been watching good ol star ac?? sevan is SUCH a jerkface!!!

  7. in seventh grade, i had three moles removed from my face.  the doctor said, “well, these’ll have to go” and led me into the surgery room.

    i spent the next two weeks trying to explain the cauterization stains on my skin (they turned the cuts into black sores on my face.  black.  as in “rotted flesh.”)  i finally settled with “look.  long story.  i am neither dead nor dying.  i am not afraid of bathing, in fact i shower every morning.  the doctor thought it would be a good idea.”

    all that was to say “i sympathize.  i do.  i’ve been there, and i know it’s kind of a bummer.  but you’re still good looking (even with the gauze) and you shouldn’t worry too much.”

    i miss you.  i might be coming for a few days soon (i’m in CH right now) but no guarantees.

    ~taelyr.

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