Dear readers,

You’ll find below a series of questions for you to consider as you read Pieces of Purple. They’re divided into sections for TCKs and parents of TCKs. They can also be used, with some modifications, for churches and mission organizations to consider ministry from an MK’s perspective.

Individual vs. collective processing:

Please consider discussing these topics with at least one other person, as our depth of understanding and self-compassion can be expanded by open conversations around such intimate topics.

Format:

Whether chatting as a group or processing on your own, my encouragement is that at the end of each chapter, you first take some time to consider what stood out to you, what it sparked in you, and only after that turn to the questions below—allowing ample time for journaling (if alone) or storytelling (if with others) and further reflection.

Hope:

My prayer is that TCKs engaging with these questions will begin to peel back previously unseen layers that hold fresh self-awareness and healing, and that those who are raising them (or have already) will begin to understand the core differences between beads and Play-Doh, and be able to put words to new realizations.

Hindsight:

Whether you’re TCKs or parents of TCKs, I want to affirm that it is never too late to interact about significant memories, events, misunderstandings, and conflicts. I’ve seen relationships healed and transformed even decades after children have grown into adulthood, as families have processed what they didn’t know or recognize in the past.

For TCKs/MKs:

1. What are the “treasures” you carry from your upbringing, and how have they shaped who you are today?

2. How do you reconcile both the blessings and the struggles of being a TCK/MK?

3. If you could place one object in a physical “treasure chest” to represent your TCK journey, what would it be and why?

4. In what ways has your perspective on your upbringing changed over time?

For Parents of TCKs/MKs:

1. What aspects of your child’s TCK experience do you see as the greatest treasures?

2. How do you intentionally help your child recognize and appreciate the unique gifts of their upbringing?

3. Have you acknowledged both the joys and the struggles of this lifestyle with your child? How do you create space for both?

4. How can you ensure that your child’s “treasure chest” includes a strong sense of identity and belonging?

For TCKs/MKs:

1. What does the term “Purple People” mean to you? Do you feel more “purple” or more tied to one culture?

2. In what ways has your upbringing given you the ability to relate to different kinds of people?

3. Have you ever felt pressure to conform to a certain identity? How did you navigate that?

4. What are some unique strengths you’ve developed as a result of growing up cross-culturally?

For Parents of TCKs/MKs:

1. How do you think your child perceives their cultural identity?

2. In what ways can you affirm and celebrate the complexity of your child’s cultural experience?

3. Have you ever unintentionally placed expectations on your child’s identity that may not align with how they see themselves?

4. What are practical ways you can encourage your child to embrace their “purple” identity?

For TCKs/MKs:

1. How have you adapted to different cultures, and what challenges have come with that adaptation?

2. Have you ever felt like an outsider in a culture you were expected to belong to? How did you handle it?

3. What aspects of your adoptive culture(s) do you love and want to keep with you forever?

4. Have you ever struggled with feeling “too foreign” or “not enough” in any culture?

For Parents of TCKs/MKs:

1. How have you helped your child integrate into different cultures without losing their sense of self?

2. In what ways can you encourage your child to engage with their adoptive culture while maintaining a connection to their home culture?

3. Have you noticed any struggles your child has faced in adapting to a new environment? How can you support them better?

4. How can you prepare your child for the possibility of reverse culture shock when they return to their passport country?

For TCKs/MKs:

1. Do you feel like you fully belong in your passport culture? Why or why not?

2. What has been the most difficult aspect of returning to or visiting your passport country?

3. How do you explain your global experience to people who have never lived outside one culture?

4. What are some ways you can create a sense of belonging in a place that may not always feel like home?

For Parents of TCKs/MKs:

1. Have you experienced culture shock when returning to your passport country? How do you think it compares to what your child experiences?

2. In what ways can you help your child navigate the expectations placed on them in their passport culture?

3. How do you discuss issues of identity and belonging with your child?

4. What are some things you can do to help your child feel more comfortable in their passport culture?

For TCKs/MKs:

1. How has growing up in a missionary culture shaped your values and worldview?

2. What are some of the expectations (spoken or unspoken) that you have felt as an MK? How have they influenced you?

3. Have you ever felt pressure to be “exceptional” because of your family’s ministry? How did you navigate that?

4. In what ways has missionary culture been a source of both strength and struggle for you?

For Parents of TCKs/MKs:

1. How do you think the missionary culture has impacted your child’s sense of identity?

2. What are some ways you can support your child in processing the expectations placed on them as an MK?

3. Have you had open conversations with your child about the benefits and challenges of growing up in ministry?

4. How can you ensure that your child feels valued for who they are, not just for their role in the mission?

For TCKs/MKs:

1. What are some of the greatest advantages you’ve had as a TCK? What are some of the hardest challenges?

2. Have you ever struggled with feeling like your experiences are difficult to relate to for others? How do you handle that?

3. In what ways have the “flipsides” of being a TCK influenced your relationships, career choices, or faith journey?

4. How can you learn to embrace both the wonderful and the hard parts of your story?

For Parents of TCKs/MKs:

1. What are some of the “flipsides” of raising a family in ministry that you’ve noticed in your children?

2. How can you validate your child’s struggles while also helping them recognize the strengths they’ve developed?

3. Have you ever minimized or overlooked the challenges your child faces because of their upbringing? How can you address that now?

4. What are some ways you can equip your child to navigate both the benefits and difficulties of their TCK experience?

For TCKs/MKs:

1. What losses have been the hardest for you as a TCK? How have you processed them?

2. Have you ever felt that your grief was minimized or misunderstood? How did that impact you?

3. How do you balance grieving what you’ve lost with appreciating what you’ve gained?

4. What are some healthy ways to process the constant goodbyes in your life?

For Parents of TCKs/MKs:

1. Have you openly acknowledged and discussed the grief your child may experience from moving frequently?

2. In what ways can you help your child navigate loss in a way that fosters resilience rather than suppression?

3. How can you model healthy grief-processing for your child?

4. What are some ways you can create stability in the midst of transition for your family?

For TCKs/MKs:

1. Have you ever experienced a moment when you realized a past event had affected you more deeply than you thought? How did you process that?

2. What are some ways that trauma can manifest in TCKs, even in situations that seem “normal” to others?

3. How do you cope with stress or difficult emotions? Are there any habits you’ve developed that help you manage them?

4. What support systems or resources have helped you work through past hurts?

For Parents of TCKs/MKs:

1. How do you approach conversations about trauma and mental health with your child?

2. Have you ever dismissed or downplayed a difficult experience your child has shared? How can you offer better support?

3. What are some practical ways you can create a safe space for your child to talk about hard things?

4. How can you model healthy coping mechanisms and emotional resilience for your child?

For TCKs/MKs:

1. How has being a TCK impacted your mental health, positively or negatively?

2. Have you ever felt pressure to “be okay” even when you weren’t? Where did that expectation come from?

3. What strategies have helped you manage stress, anxiety, or other challenges?

4. How can you seek help or support when you need it?

For Parents of TCKs/MKs:

1. How have you approached conversations about mental health with your child?

2. Are there any signs you may have missed that your child was struggling?

3. How can you create an environment where your child feels safe talking about their emotions?

4. What are some resources or support systems you can provide to help your child thrive emotionally?

For TCKs/MKs:

1. Have you ever questioned aspects of your faith? What led to those questions?

2. What has been the most difficult part of navigating faith in a world that feels complicated or contradictory?

3. How do you separate the core truths of faith from cultural or institutional influences?

4. What has helped you rebuild or redefine your faith in a way that feels authentic to you?

For Parents of TCKs/MKs:

1. How do you react when your child expresses doubts or questions about faith?

2. What are some ways you can foster an environment where your child feels safe to explore their beliefs?

3. Have you had to go through your own process of deconstruction or faith reevaluation? How has that influenced the way you parent?

4. How can you encourage your child to seek truth while also feeling secure in their spiritual journey?

For TCKs/MKs:

1. How do you approach relationships differently because of your TCK background?

2. Have you ever felt a disconnect between the way you build friendships and the way others do? How do you handle that?

3. What are some ways you have learned to navigate long-distance relationships with family or friends?

4. How has your experience of constant transition affected the way you trust or open up to people?

For Parents of TCKs/MKs:

1. How have you helped your child develop healthy relational skills despite frequent moves?

2. What are some ways you can support your child in maintaining meaningful friendships across distances?

3. Have you noticed any patterns in how your child approaches relationships that might be connected to their TCK experience?

4. How can you encourage your child to build deep and lasting relationships, even in seasons of transition?

For TCKs/MKs:

1. Who are the people in your life that feel most like “family,” even if they aren’t related to you by blood?

2. How do you define belonging, and where have you found it?

3. Have you ever struggled with loneliness? What has helped you navigate those feelings?

4. How do you keep relationships strong across long distances and time zones?

For Parents of TCKs/MKs:

1. How do you intentionally create a sense of belonging for your child?

2. What challenges have you noticed in your child’s ability to form long-term relationships?

3. How can you help your child maintain important connections despite frequent moves?

4. In what ways can you affirm and support the “found family” your child has formed?

For TCKs/MKs:

1. Do you feel a sense of loyalty to a specific country, or do you feel more like a global citizen? Why?

2. Have you ever struggled with answering the question, “Where are you from?” How do you typically respond?

3. What are some advantages and challenges of having multiple cultural influences in your identity?

4. How do you navigate moments when your passport country’s values or perspectives feel foreign to you?

For Parents of TCKs/MKs:

1. How have you helped your child develop a sense of identity and belonging despite their transient lifestyle?

2. What are some ways you can help your child embrace their cultural complexity rather than feeling lost in it?

3. Have you ever experienced reverse culture shock when returning to your home country? How did you handle it, and how does that inform how you guide your child?

4. How can you affirm your child’s unique identity while also helping them feel connected to a larger community?

For TCKs/MKs:

1. What values or beliefs have been passed down to you through your family or missionary culture?

2. Do you feel a sense of responsibility to carry on certain traditions or expectations? Why or why not?

3. How do you differentiate between what you’ve inherited and what you want to intentionally keep as part of your identity?

4. What legacy do you hope to leave behind from your own experiences?

For Parents of TCKs/MKs:

1. What aspects of your family’s cultural or faith heritage do you hope to pass on to your child?

2. How do you balance giving your child a strong foundation while allowing them the freedom to choose their own path?

3. Have you ever felt pressure to raise your child in a specific way because of external expectations? How do you navigate that?

4. What steps can you take to ensure that your child feels free to develop their own sense of self while still embracing their heritage?

For TCKs/MKs:

1. What parts of your identity do you fully “own,” and what parts still feel uncertain?

2. Have you ever struggled with taking ownership of your story because of outside expectations?

3. How do you find empowerment in embracing your experiences, both the good and the hard?

4. What does it look like to live authentically as a TCK while also integrating into new environments?

For Parents of TCKs/MKs:

1. How can you encourage your child to take ownership of their experiences and identity?

2. Have you ever unintentionally projected expectations onto your child’s sense of self? How can you correct that?

3. In what ways can you empower your child to embrace both their strengths and struggles?

4. How do you model a healthy sense of identity and ownership in your own life?

For TCKs/MKs:

1. How has your experience as a TCK/MK shaped your understanding of faith and following Jesus?

2. Have you ever felt pressure to live out your faith in a certain way because of your upbringing? How have you navigated that?

3. In what ways has living cross-culturally influenced your view of God and spiritual community?

4. What does discipleship look like for you personally, beyond the expectations of others?

5. How do you balance personal faith with the challenges of transitions, cultural shifts, and spiritual questions?

For Parents of TCKs/MKs:

1. How have you encouraged your child’s spiritual growth without imposing expectations that may feel burdensome?

2. What challenges have you noticed in how your child engages with faith because of their TCK experience?

3. In what ways can you help your child develop a faith that is their own, rather than one that feels inherited?

4. How has living and serving cross-culturally shaped your family’s discipleship journey?

5. What role do you see yourself playing in your child’s faith formation as they grow into adulthood?

For TCKs/MKs:

1. What does the term “interstitial space” mean to you in your own experience?

2. How have you learned to embrace the in-between moments of your life rather than resist them?

3. In what ways can you create a sense of home or belonging in transitional seasons?

4. What lessons have you learned from living between cultures that you carry with you today?

For Parents of TCKs/MKs:

1. How do you help your child navigate the “in-between” spaces in their life?

2. What are some ways you can encourage resilience and adaptability without dismissing the challenges?

3. Have you acknowledged your own experiences of transition and change alongside your child’s?

4. What final words of encouragement would you give your child as they navigate the complexities of being a TCK?

Thank you so much, friends, for reading Pieces of Purple and taking the time to discuss your thoughts about it. I view it as a love letter to the MK and TCK community, and a way to honor those who endeavor to love them well.

My prayer is that the next generation of MKs will flourish because because of deeper self-understanding and more informed care.

SEND MICHÈLE A MESSAGE:

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