Sunday August 21, 2005

Since Squirt’s Xanga site is refusing to allow me access, I’ll have to answer her question in this forum instead. She wrote (and I think I detected some frustration there!) that she doesn’t understand why everybody seems to be trying to tell BFAers about being MKs (or TCKs). Since she IS an MK, she should pretty much know about the topic, right?

Ah, this is one of my favorite subjects!

Let me give you an illustration. Married people generally know that they’re married. Of course, those who like Britney Spears get married in a drunken haze during a short visit to Las Vegas might not remember all the pertinent details, but still, the ring on the finger and the rice in the hair should put them on track pretty fast. But I digress! The point is that married people know they’re married. And being married, they pretty much know what marriage is all about. The guy knows he’s the husband, the woman knows she’s the wife, and they both know they’re stuck with each other for a while (except, again, in the case of Britney Spears’ 56-hour wedding to the moron who thought she’d grown a brain). Given how much they know, do you find it surprising that so many couples seek marital counselling before and during marriage? After all, they’re MARRIED–what can someone else tell them about their relationship? Well–a lot, as it turns out. See the fact of being married doesn’t mean that a person suddenly knows how to communicate well, how to give his/her spouse what they need from marriage, how to be entirely devoted without losing themselves, how to deal with conflict or how to make critical decisions together. They are married, but they can still benefit from learning about exactlly how that works in a very practical sense.

The same is true for being an MK. You obviously know what an MK is since you are one! But that doesn’t mean that you’re completely aware of the more profound consequences of growing up in a muti-cultural setting! You’ve had amazing experiences that non-MKs might not understand, and you need to learn how to interact with North Americans without lording it over them or putting ridiculous expectations on them. You need certain things from friends and boyfriends that the average American won’t possess: like open-mindedness, world-consciousness, and a sense of adventure. You also have some weaknesses and needs that others don’t have–you’ve grown up in a complex world and are therefore a more complex person. What you bring to a relationship and need from a relationship is different from what mono-cultural people do. There is a long list of potential traits that you need to be aware of if you’re going to function well and find fullfillment!

Do you get my drift? We all know that you know what it is to be an MK: your parents are missionaries. Duh. But it doesn’t stop there. And just like a married couple can always learn more about themselves, their needs, their shortcomings, and the “tricks” that make a marriage profound and fulfilling, an MK can profit incredibly from learning about all those small things you might not realize are true about you! And trust me, it’s not only for your own good that places like BFA and reentry seminars try to inform you about who you are. It’s for the good of the man you’ll marry, of the children you’ll raise, and of the life you’ll lead (career, location, ambition, etc). Some of it is sure to sound repetitive–that’s okay. Just keep digging into all the information you receive about being an MK and find out exactly how you’re different (and I don’t mean “better”… just different) and how those differences will affect every aspect of your life. It might seem tedious at times, but there are great lessons to be learned and if you truly want to know about yourself, you’ll be a better person for it.

That’s my short answer–aren’t you glad I didn’t give you the long-winded one?? Oh, and the purpose of calling you an MK isn’t to “reduce” you to being a stereotype. MKs come in all shapes and sizes and each one of you is different. But the BASICS are generally pretty much the same.

Alright–off to bed. One more suitcase to pack, French people to put on a plane, and at least one more hamburger to eat!

You’d better warn Germany–Michele’s on her way back!

Love you all,

M.